I love making lists. I have lists all over my office. Books to read. Places to go. Things to do. Things I must do -- or else. Daily, weekly, and yearly goals. I love lists. I may actually love lists more than I like doing the things on the list. But that’s another post entirely.

A friend shared this inspirational picture quote thing (what are these even called?) on a popular social media platform (look, I'm not going to say the name if they aren't going to write the check) and it got me thinking about life and lists. On the surface, it’s certainly a nice sentiment: Do the things you love, spend less time on the trivial. I can get with that. I assume it’s not meant to be taken literally, however. I mean, if we all did what we wanted to do all the time, our streets would be littered with sewage and trash and children’s diapers would weigh several hundred pounds.

But what if it were to be taken literally? How would that look? For me, it looks like this:

Things That Make Me Happy

Pecan Pie
Penguins
Scotch
Videos of people falling down
Enchiladas
Tacos
Tamales (Okay, Mexican food in general)
Carrot cake
BBQ
Pizza (Okay, food in general)
Watching TV with Lainey
Thinking about Ferraris

Things I Do Every Day

Work
Pay Bills
Sit in Traffic
Worry about paying bills while sitting in traffic
Stupid household chores except ironing because the iron broke
Battle with self-doubt while attempting to find purpose and reason for my existence
Unsubscribe from email lists I never signed up for in the first place
Delete social media posts people don’t like or favorite within a reasonable time-frame

Compare The Lists

Initially, I would have to say the first list is better than the second list. Significantly better, actually. In fact, comparing the two lists, there is no comparison at all. Based on the evidence presented, one would have to conclude I am in need of an adjustment.

Adjust Accordingly

Let’s imagine I stopped doing everything in the second list in favor of the first list for one year. How would that look?

TIME JUMP MUSIC VIDEO

Okay, It’s December 28, 2016. I have no money. I have no wife. I’m now 87lbs heavier. I’ve got diabetes and gout. Lainey took the TV and the couch and the doctor took my foot.

Thanks for absolutely nothing, Internet.

On the plus, I've started a new list:

Top 1,000 Pieces of Bad Advice Found on the Internet: Volume One